Lost at sea

Is it possible to be this age and homesick?

Already missing the green lanes of the Shire, the wibbly-wobbbly Wye bridge at Sellack and its church for St Tsilio, the earthy accent, fresh cow muck and fourth division football.

…I know, I’m talking silage again.

PS. Couple of things amused me today.
Telegraph headline: Tigers brainier than lions.
And I saw a variation of the ‘baby on board’ sticker in the back of a car. ‘Ex-husband in boot.’

Design for living

I thought this advice could well be extended beyond the bounds of the Pembrokeshire coastal path.

Top marks

Going back to Seven of Nine (you know you want to) – I had a couple of emails asking me what the hell it was all about.

So for the uninitiated, Seven of Nine is a character in a Star Trek spin-off called Voyager. I’ve only picked up on it because I finally bought a digital TV. I know I’m going to get lampooned for this so let’s get it over with – yes, she’s very … (though I’m not sure about the eyebrow piercing).

Pic courtesy of Star Trek

What caught me eye (and you’ll have to take my word for it) was the intriguing character the writers created and the very dry humour they have injected. Some of the plots are superb.

So here’s the background. As a child, she is captured by the Borg (a predatory array of baddies who assimilate other lifeforms into a robotic collective – a bit like an ant colony. They have a shared consciousness). She is rescued by the crew of Voyager, separated from her cyberbuddies and relieved of many of her Borg implants. Over time her own organs start to recover but she struggles to re-establish human empathy and individualism. Her persona is complex – mostly human, part robot, fearless but insecure without the hive. She’s kind of a sexy Spock.

She has to relearn human emotions, like humour. And therein lies the skill of the writers and the actress (Jeri Ryan) who made it work so brilliantly.

Seven is eventually befriended by a child called Naomi. The creators use the relationship as a vehicle to explore the emotional immaturity of both characters and, of course, Naomi is a metaphor for Seven’s life before the Borg got her. Clever stuff.

There’s a website dedicated to some of the dialogue but here’s a taste of the humour.

Doctor: You’re a woman, Seven.
Seven: Is that an observation or a diagnosis?

Seven: Stardate 52648, 0300 hours. Intimate relations resume.
B’Elanna: How the hell do you know when we’re having intimate relations?
Seven: There is no-one on deck nine, section 12 who doesn’t know when you’re having intimate relations.

Seven: I speak for the Borg.
Capt Kathryn Janeway: What is your designation?
Seven: Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One. But you may call me Seven of Nine.

Seven catches the child who has been following her.
Seven: Naomi Wildman, sub-unit of Ensign Samantha Wildman, state your intentions.

Seven: The last time we worked together, I struck you at the base of your skull and attempted to contact the Collective.
Ensign Harry Kim: These things happen.

Seven: I’ve concluded that teaching you to sing is an inefficient use of my time.
(Note how the writers have imbued her with a human quality but she delivers it without the essential artistry. Nice touch).

…. you get the idea. Would love to have a stab at writing for the show but it’s long since been consigned to the Delta quadrant.

Yeah I know, I should get out more.

Music maestro please

I’ve been pondering the album debate that broke out here.

Do you think it’s a case that as we get older we’re just more resistant to change? There’s a lot to be said for the convenience and practicality of CDs but I remember mourning the loss of the great vinyl artwork (still do) – but a generation younger than us don’t miss what they never had.

The iPod is a truly brilliant invention which changed the world. I was an instant convert to MP3 even though we can’t hold anything tangible and I now have shelves of plastic which are busy gathering dust.

So the question I put to you is this: Isn’t the album debate actually a redundant one? The new formats allow us to have both singe tracks and albums but I think I’m more surprised that creative artistry hasn’t really matched the technology. For example, there’s the potential for a return of the EP format – producing four themed songs that work together, mini albums if you like. Or 20-minute pieces. And why can’t we break out of the three-minute pop video? Surely there’s never been greater scope for mixing graphic art and video over the spoken word or to play seamless ’symphonies’ on your iPod.

As you know, I love traditional Irish music. I’d love to see someone produce a ‘musical documentary’ which charts its history, demonstrates the range of instruments that have been adopted and packed with the best of its exponents. It could potentially run for hours, but with word, sound and picture searches you could just dip in and out as you please. I’m sure someone could produce clever software that would allow the user to mix and mash the tracks or allow you to play along, or companion audio-video lessons with animated musical staves, biographies of the composers and artists… the CD-ROM idea which was run over by the internet. The possibilities are endless.

Sure, it’s expensive to produce but with added value like that it’s also something worth buying.

Discuss.

Rant of the day

Oxford City Council has launched the bin police to swell the ranks of the residents’ parking stasi. As I understand it, a bloke rummages through your wheelie and then issues an invoice for his trouble.

On the same news bulletin a couple were charged for overstaying their allotted time at the crematorium where they were mourning the loss of a child.

Meanwhile, I notice the quaint old George V post box in Quay Street in Hereford has been ripped from the wall. It follows a spate of thefts of Victorian post boxes in the Ledbury area. No prizes for guessing where they end up. Still, I rest easy in the certain knowledge that the authorities are hot on the trail and will use our fines (sorry, taxes) to put an immediate stop to this corrosive profiteering on our cultural heritage.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Fasten your seatbelts

Woken up by a power tool this morning and there’s a skip in the street. The FTSE is up, the pound has improved against the dollar, Braclays made a profit and house prices have stabilised.

Here we go again.

And you know your love life is in trouble when you start showing a passing interest in Seven-of-nine.

At least this guy’s got his priorities right. Wonder if he needs an assistant?

Snippets

Over the weekend I heard James Blunt described as the singing house fly.

If you want a cheap snigger and you have plenty of time on your hands, check out the female Belarussian butterfly swimmer. I shall say no more.

Another great headline in The Guardian: William Hill down on luck.

And in the same paper I saw a blog entry about the death of the album. Was there really a band called The Pipettes? Genius.